Dani-isms
Dani-ism: When Dani does odd things that normal society would shun but gets away with it because... Well... She's Dani.
Changed my mind. My wedding cake will be the zombie apocalypse and I the topper will be me as the Doctor carrying my wife/husband in. there shall be a speak bubble and it shall say "I'm still not ginger!"
"Drink coffee to get the energy to drink more coffee."
And then I have the proper energy to drink more coffee. However, currently, Coffee and I are going through a divorce.
I just remembered that I get to be Hershel for the zombie apocalypse.
I think I have 3 friends named Tony now and everytime someone mentions any of them, I automatically assume they are talking about Tony Stark.
And then I have to remember I'm not actually friends with Tony Stark.
And I get sad.
I love how intensely happy scientists get while doing science.
According to my dreams, when one plays a shooting videogame on the WII, the eyebrow is the trigger.
Can you imagine Chris Evans playing and him just touching his eyebrow when he's doing the labrador thing and just the game exploding?
Okay everybody! We're going back in time. Dress properly and remember people, this is 1921. I don't care how hot it is. You are wearing a fucking hat. 90 degrees out? It's hat weather.
Lord, forgive me for my sins. I was just about to commit blasphemy and say that Ramen and chicken noodle soup were the same thing.
Megan: EVIL. I SMITE THEE
Me: I BEG FOR FORGIVENESS
I IMPLORE THEE
Megan: It is now written that you be smitten.
Me: I KNOW NOT WHAT I SAY
You're a poet and didn't even know it
Megan: Oh, I know it, and I emplore it.
Me: BLASPHEMOUS CHILD. YOU SPELLED IT WRONG.
Megan: Oh, did I? I'm sorry.
*Endelyn pout*
Me: Edgar is ashamed.
*Clint and everyone else squeal*
*I DO NOT.*
Megan: XD
The only reason anyone eats the Chocolaty Delight Special K cereal is to have an excuse to eat a pile of chocolate chips at the bottom of the bowl when they are done with the cereal part.
Me: Might I say that the Mandarin is, ahem... Quite the attractive being?
Megan: Of course you would.
Me: I feel like I should be adjusting my tie around him.
And he and I should have a conversation about suits while drinking fine wine at a fancy social gathering. Tony's not invited.
Megan: XD
Me: And then the Mandarin will lift my chin and be like "Aww, but why?"
And I'll say "Because he's a brute and I never trust him around alcohol."
And he'll say "But I've been absolutely dying to see him again... Just this once love?"
Meg: XD
And I'll sigh and lean against the wall and take a annoyed sip of my wine, you know the one where it's a slow sip and you just keep staring at the person. And he'll just give me that look and I'll mutter "Fine."
Me: And then he'll kiss my cheek and whisper "thank you."
Megan: The fact that you're still going tickles my intellect.
Rules of my house:
Come in
Make yourselves at home
And don't touch the white dog.
I feel like that's oddly cryptic
*girlfriend shows me picture of red velvet pancakes*
Me: Why are those not making sweet, dirty, velvety love to my tastebuds right now!?
When I get married I want the "walking down the aisle" song to be "I've got a jar of dirt" and I just flail down the aisle and around my wife/husband until it's over.
Or if I marry Tom Hiddleston and I get pregnant, I want to flail around him but go "I've got a pregnant belly! I've got a pregnant belly! I've got a pregnant belly! AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT"
One more day to revolution. We will
NIP IT IN THE BUTT.
As I'm typing away, there is suddenly a creepy creepy sound. I freeze and feel eyes upon me... Slowly I turn around and realize... There is an odd gathering of cats in my house.
There's a game day Volkswagen commercial that has people talking like happy Jamaicans and omg it is the lovelyest thing I've ever witnessed
I am Dani. Not of this plane.
Meg: And you are Jim, Loki and that guy.
Me: I AM THAT GUY.
You have no idea how happy it made me to be that guy.
So, techincally speaking, if Snape and Lily ended up together... Does that mean Snape's a lesbian?
So the Doctor's companions always leave him because he out lives them all, correct?
If Loki and the Doctor were paired up, he'd never be alone cause Loki lives forever too.... ♥
I'll be back. I must cleanse myself of the days filth.
I HAVE PIEROGIES.
Alex explained to me that people with watches actually don't look at the watch for time.
And now I understand why in every movie, whenever someone looks at their watch, then glance at the clock on the wall right after.
THATS IT. I WANT MY FIRST DANCE SONG WITH THE PERSON I MARRY TO BE "And At Last I see the Light" FROM TANGLED.
AND NO ONE.
WILL STOP ME.
I love how when my mom tries to give her kids life lessons, she quotes Eminem.
I have this persistent feeling that I have to marry Nicolas Cage.
The truth is, I'm not as creepy as I like to pretend I am.
I've decided that along with my British, I am also now Russian.
I find myself screaming "TONY NO" far more often than I am ever in the presence of a Tony.
I never realize I look good in other colors of clothes besides black until I put on something that I originally wanted in black.
I've suddenly fallen madly in love with Robert Downey Jr.
"She's got the most messed up mentality with a smile to die for. I want her."
How to get my mom to cook for me:
Me: But mooommmm... You cook it better...
Mom: ... Really?
It's funny because I cook better than everyone in my house.
Mom: No! You can't get anymore tattoos! You'll look like a comic book!
Me: Nooo, they are mostly words! I just look like a regular book.
Apparently Meg's new nickname is Nugget.
I laughed uncontrollably for at least 5 minutes.
Not because it was funny.
But because the fact that it was adorable and the series of images and collective thoughts that ran through my head was unbearable.
Meg: Will you give me a hug?
Me: *goes to hug*
Meg: *looks odd and looks at the Hersey's Hugs on the table*
Me: .... Oh....
For the most part, I've a terrible human being with a really awesome phone voice.
When I get married, I want a bunch of small children to be the ring bearers and they shall be known as the Fellowship of the Ring
Me: "My men were no better than the French." *giggle*
Steff: That was an appropriate statement.
They made an icecream that is almost every icecream shoved into an icecream.
Friend: She likes Tom too.
Me: I'm prepared to fight for him.
Friend: She says she shares.
Me: I don't.
I don't care if you call it pancetta, Irish bacon, Canadian bacon, turkey bacon, apple bacon, maple bacon or bacon on a stick.
It's still bacon.
And I still hate it.
There's a similarity between the evil characters I'm attracted to. They all have thin faces and high foreheads. Mm.
I just had that moment where Spongebob forget how to make a Krabby Patty, except it was Dani forgot how to tie a tie.
Epic rap battles of history makes me terribly happy, but then I watched one of the behind the scenes. Beethoven, I have to disagree. That is a completely appropriate amount of cream cheese for a bagal.
Yet another edit of who I am.
I am Satan, who is also Hitler, who is disguised as Batman, who is Loki and the Potato, who likes to pretend to be John Watson, who's alter ego is is a British therapist named Dr. Benjymin Charles Weston, who is That Guy, who covers his tracks by being an 18 year old girl named Dani, who is also a Starburst that occasionally is a wolf and is actually is The Doctor.
Question: The last movie is now your life story. How fucked are you?
Steff: Hmm..
Me: .... We watched Thor.
Steff: ... And I'm not Thor, and you're not Thor... So that means Loki has a split personality.
Me: Oh my god, what if Loki actually did have a split personality and it was us? Like we just appear in full on Asgardian armor and only he can see us. Like we'd be circling him and be like "Hey." and he'd be like "Ugh. Go away."
Steff: "Ready to get cha mouth shut?"
Me: and he'd say "Frigga won't allow it." and I'd be like "This is a different kind of Frigga. Not so nice. Not so carefree" *creepy giggle*
Bob Ross is the only Bob where it doesn't feel dumb for his name to be Bob....
Oh... Oh no... NO! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
I'm watching Joys of Painting.. *crie*
I spent most of yesterday watching The Joys of painting with Bob Ross and looking up emotional pictures of Harry Potter. I was already an emotionally wreck, and then I found Atlantis on the computer.
My childhood.
Em. EEMMM. Em, why do you keep doing this to me? You don't have a concert in 5ever, and now that you do, it's in England and Ireland? *whine*
I thought it was Wednesday and muttered to myself "My sense of time is off.." Then started laughing when I realized what I had said.
I'm the Doctor.
(I don't talk to my friend Chris often and it seems that whenever I do, it's cause I found someone that looked like him.)
Me: So I realize nothing has reminded me of your face and no one around has looked like you lately, which made me think of you.
Hihi
Chris: That's unfortunate, maybe you need the real thing! Also "Hihi"?
Me: I do! And yus. It is another form of the human greeting "Hello".
*hears that Richard Griffiths died (Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter)*
Wh-... What? *tears* No... Th-... There's no post on Sundays...
I can't find all the pieces of my heart right now...
N-Now... There will never be post on Sundays..
*talking about my surgical wounds*
It looks like someone took a paintball revolver, loaded it with extra large paintballs and shards of glass, and decided I would be target practice.
Welp, I'm home. I'm also in an odd amount of pain. And I'm craving every terrible food to ever exist, when the only thing I can eat is broth.
Stay thirsty, my friends.
Yeah. I fricken plan to.
Actually, Hospital, I disagree. 2:30 am with all the lights off is a terrible time to play the Evil Dead trailer.
Me and my dad were watching Weaponology and thy were talking about fire being man's oldest weapon. They showed this flammable jelly stuff and we were talking about it, and I go ” Yeah but what it if was flamming molten sugar?” and my dad was like ”Wha- Oh my god.. thats so- oh my god that is so horrible I-... Im so proud of you.”
Boiling sugar is painful.
>
Me: Dude... did you ever realize that all the Lord of the rings races corresponding with their names? Like Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and Bilbo. All the hobbit names are like upbeat and cheery cause hobbits are happy folk. and then you have Legolas, Arwen, Galadrial and Elron, all of their names are elegant cause elves are elegant fuckers. and the you have Aragorn, Boromir and Faramir, all of their names are rough and brutish cause they are human....”
Meg: what the hell do the docs have you on?”
Steff's reaction:
Steff: ...It's cocaine, isn't it? Have you been using it again? Didn't I tell you that was not the right path? How could you do this? You... WHORE! LIAR! JOHN! PETER!!!
Me: I'M SO SORRY
This may be the drugs talking, (the pain killer drugs. The ones I'm on. For surgery.) but I think all charming bad guys should have a thing for sugar or sweet food.
Like Loki should just love sugary beverages like cafe con leche (it's a light, sweet spanishy coffee)
Moriarty should adore pie. All sorts of tasty pastry pie
Hannibal should have a thing for cake. Like well made, fancy cake
And the Joker should go crazy for chocolate... Like good crazy. Not the already crazy kinda crazy.
What if they are having the final episode of the season of the Walking Dead on Easter because Jesus is going to come back as a zombie and that's how it starst?
I'll let you think about that.
I like the way he hails a taxi...
On another note, I couldn't figure out why I kept typing the letter "m"... Then I realized my figure was on the letter.
I think I turned out to be a real good person given my upbringing.
Yeah, I'll admit, occasionally I'll say things that the appropriate response is a shovel,
BUT.
I'm pretty awesome.
Meg: Aaaaaand that's about as modest as she gets.
*meg and I are talking about Martin Freeman as a sex partner*
Me: We would be cuddling for hours in bed and then he'd awkwardly make an inclination towards sex and I'd look at him and start laughing while taking off his clothes and then BAM.
NoBody by Skindred is the perfect song/video.
It contains:
1.)Screamo
2.)Death Metal
3.)Jamaicans
4.)Angry feels
5.)Hot chicks shaking their ass
6.)Dreadlocks
7.)White guys
8.)Guys with long hair
9.)Moshpits
10.)Great choreography
What doesn't kill you makes you want to kill it so it won't think of trying again.
And then you can lean down and go "Not guna do that again, are ya?"
Ayla: What doesn't kill me better try again.
Me: What doesn't kill you should be too afraid to try again.
I think I should audition for the Walking dead and b a pansy ass character that gets mauled by zombies.
Why?
Because I wouldn't be acting.
That fear would be real.
So I've realized.... Because of The Walking Dead, I am able to be in the presence of zombies and want to watch more while I'm watching the show.
However, it has made sleeping without the light on damn near impossible.
I feel bad for Eminem's daughter. Like any guy she brings home will piss themselves when they see him because they are awestruck and terrified for they lives.
Does anyone else ever think that in Hobbit, the Dwarf custom is to have a beard? And so everyone makes fun of Kili cause he doesn't really have a beard. Everyone would be like "Haaaah. Look how small Kili's beard iiissss!" and Kili would be like "SHUT UP. It's not small! It's growing!" And Fili would be like "Noo nooo... Don't worry. It's okay to have *snerk* a... HAHAHA SMALL BEARD." And then later, Kili would be in his room, sniffling and Fili would go in and be like "Hey- ... Are you crying?" and Kili would rub his eyes and say "N-No..."
"Kili..."
"... Yes."
"Is it about the beard thing?"
"..."
And then Fili would walk over and sit next to him and be like "Kili... It doesn't matter how long or thick your beard is. You're still my brother and part of this family we have. And we all love you, no matter what."
And then they'd have brotherly cuddles.
T'was a shield. Of oak.
Oakenshield.
*sees my cat at the door*
Doth thou wish to enter my realm feline!? SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER.
Spiffy: .....
Can I please be an extra in the Hobbit? I wana be a dwarf woman with an epic mustache.
Does anyone else think "Butt" is an abrupt word?
Alex: It does tend to butt into conversation.
Me: I'm always butting heads with it.
Alex: Just turn the other cheek
Me: I can't. It keeps kicking me in the rear.
Alex: Right. I hate being the butt-end of these jokes.
Me: I actually have no rebuttal.
Ayla: Butt.
And then, if you think about it more, Kili doesn't have a big nose or ears... So, according to Dwarvish standard, he probably thinks he's ugly as sin.
No beard.
Normal nose.
Normal ears.
Kili would be crying hard one day in the Dwarf kingdom in his room after telling Fili he felt to sick to go out. So Fili comes back and hears the sobs from behind the door. He opens the door and sees his little brother crying and is like "Kili! What happened?" and Kili's all "I-I must be m-mutated or something...." And Fili cuddles him and is like "Why would you say that?" and Kili goes "LOOK AT ME, FILI! I don't have a b-beard or or or normal ears or or a normal nose! LOOK AT IT ALL! My beard is so small and my ears are so small and my nose is-so-SMAHAHAH
ALLLL.." and buries his face in his brother's hair. And Fili pets his hair, trying to calm him, then lifts his chin and is like "Kili, I think you're the most handsome of all the dwarves. So what if you don't have a big beard or big ears or a big nose? That makes you unique and special." And kisses his forehead. And Kili sniffles and is like "... Really?" and Fili nods.
"More handsome than Uncle Thorin?" "
"Yes."
"More handsome than you?"
And Fili pauses for a moment, before chuckling and nodding. "Yes."
And more brotherly cuddles.
*me realizing that Robert Downey Jr and Tardarsauce (grumpycat) have the same birthday*
Me: I don't know what happened. My heart like exploded, then repaired itself and I don't know.
Meg: Lol good thing you have two hearts, eh Doc?
Me: Luckily so.
So, apparently, if I was someone's split personality, I would be a very supportive Hyde.
Hello. My name is Dr. Watsonbatmanthatguy.
*fails to postbox* Yaaayy! Postpostpostpostpo- *opens* ... Oh... It's Sunday... There's no post on Sundays...
Oh well! At least tonight I can watch The Walking De-.... Oh...
Mike: Apparently I tried to buy a television in North Carolina today...
Anthony: Damn homie you get around. Or you've figured out how to break the space-time continuum.
Mike: Clearly the second one.
Me:I took him on a trip in the TARDIS. Wanted to see if he'd make a good companion.
Mike's friend:Are you a time lord?
Mike: Well according to some people I don't have any hearts let alone two... so I doubt it.
Me: I am. *bows* They call me the Doctor.
I found Michael on an ice floatie. He was about to be attacked by sea lions.
Mike: Don't bring that up with her, Dani.
Me: You know better than to call me Dani. That's what the Ood call me.
3 hours ago · Like
Mike's other friend: You did have a heart...I just took it for safekeeping
Me: I thank you for taking it. God knows what he would have done if he held onto it.
Clumsy seal, he is. Has these wonky flippers that can't hold anything.
Mike's other friend: hahaha indeed. I am a fan of you already.
Me:I has a fan!
Oh look! Another edit! (No. This will never stop.)
I am Satan, who is also Hitler, who is disguised as Batman, who is Loki and the Potato, who likes to pretend to be John Watson, who does stuff and things as Rick Grimes, who's alter ego is is a British therapist named Dr. Benjymin Charles Weston, who is That Guy, who covers his tracks by being an 18 year old girl named Dani, who is also a Starburst that occasionally is a wolf and is actually is The Doctor.
So a few people think that I would be a Hobbit over a Dwarf. I told Meg this. Meg seems to disagree.
Their argument: I'm peaceful, creative and contained.
Meg's argument:
Dani dominates everyone because she's stubborn and dwarves are stubborn.
Dwarves make things and what they make is their life. Same applies to Dani.
Dani likes to eat, but not nearly as much as a Hobbit would.
Dani's beard and mustache obsession is no coincidence.
When Dani is confrontational, she sits up straight and proud with her shoulders rigid.
And she have a love for shiny objects. Such as jewels.
Meg: I dare you to argue with me.
Me: Wooaahhh homie. Back away slow.
So I've created a new Fellowship. One of the characters (Steff BG's character) is a hoblf. (Dad was a hobbit, mom was an elf).
Uncle: The elves would have had an up roar! It's blasphemy! This forbidden love couldn't be, the elves would completely freak out. I mean the hobbits wouldn't give a shit, but the elves would like...
Me: Yeah, but that's why the mommy elf went to live with the hobbit dad. She would teach the offspring about elvish class and proper elvish etiquette, while the dad would teach her about being merry, food and pipeweed.
"Well, we're almost out of time. But how's about we share what we learned today. Dani? What did you learn?"
I learned that sometimes, no matter how tasty it may look, a crouton is a terrible choice in life.
Alex: I am running on Dani-deficiency mode.
Me: Everyone needs the vitamin D.
I GOT MY LICENCE.
On another note, has anyone else realized that Boots is like Dora's really white friend?
Pets Steff and I need to own:
Tibetan Mastiff
Pitbull - Magoogala
Pygmy goat- Pipah
Black Teacup pig - Bo
Silver cheasapeek bay lab
Bull dog - Mr. Bubbah Winston
Irish Wolfhound - Loki
Ferret
Serval
Corgi - Spock and George
Dogo Argentino - Lumos
Black Czechoslovakian wolfdog- Nox or Tony Stark
Teacup Yorkie named Hrlrlrlrlrlrlr
Bull mastiff - Commodor Lincoln.
Steff shot me in the heart. And she's to blame. She gave love a bad name.
I love how some guys think that just because I'm chubby, them giving me attention means that I'm going to fall in love with them.
Dani-ism
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Stumble!